Barren Bitches Book Brigade, Tour 19

For this tour we read Navigating The Land Of IF. If you look to your right you will see a lovely icon and links to where you can get more information about the book and its author, Melissa Ford, pick up your own copy and maybe pick up one for that person in your life who no matter how hard you try to explain what you are going through, fails to understand. It is an excellent source of information and comfort. The information is presented in a way that enables it to connect with people who have been trying for several months with no results or those who have just experienced their first miscarriage to those who have been through several miscarriages or months of treatments or are experiencing secondary infertility.

Question: What part of the Land of IF are you currently residing in and do you think Melissa paints an accurate picture of the situation there?

I have had one early miscarriage and one ectopic pregnancy. The D and I tried for 1 year after the ectopic to conceive again. We are currently on a pseudo break. Meaning we are not trying, but we are not preventing. I know at my next appointment my doc will ask me about how I want to move forward with regard to testing and treatment but after months of thought and discussion with The D we are still unsure. I like where we are now, just sort of leaving it to fate, but sometimes I don't know if I only feel that way because I am scared to move forward.

I think the book did a wonderful job of addressing this throughout. In everyplace possible or relative Melissa said that every person and situation are different and wherever you are emotionally is OK. I was in a place where I really needed that affirmation. I know that I will be ready to forge ahead at some point, but knowing it is OK to linger here for awhile and that it is perfectly normal, was very helpful.

Question: The "from Me to You" section - how did that touch you? Have you ever wished you had a best friend in you pocket to get you through the day? What would you say to your best friend in a note if you thought she was going through the same thing?

To me, having this note is from a friend is representative of the larger roll an understanding friend plays in getting you through infertility. I terminated my ectopic pregnancy with methotrexate the day before Thanksgiving. That holiday season was officially the worst I have ever experienced. I won't get into specifics because this post would hit record length and I know that you all have been there so you know exactly what I am talking about. At the time there was no one else (that I was aware of) in my family or circle of friends who had experienced a loss like that or infertility. I would have given anything to have someone understand or bail me out of party. Trying to remain normal and unemotional sent me into a spiral I wasn't sure I was going to get out of. Having that note, the connection it represents, even with a person unknown to me personally, would have helped tremendously. Having the knowledge that someone had been there, made it out and was willing to walk me through it may have been all I needed. Because, sometimes it really does feel like that night will last forever or that one more well meaning yet astonishingly ignorant person will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I don't think I could craft a note that says it better than Melissa. Because really, if you get from one end of the event to the other in one piece it truly was a success and you should definitely pat yourself on the back or treat yourself to some Godiva Extra Dark Chocolate. I would add to the note that I was only a phone call away for any reason at all. Whether that be for some encouraging words, to phone in an excuse for them to leave or even an excuse to join them.

Question: did you read the book front to back or did you turn immediately to a certain chapter? If so, which one? Are there any chapters you purposely avoided?

I would love to say that I sat down and read the information front to back just as it was presented but I have to admit I skipped straight to The Road to hell is Paved with "Just Relax".
I have been inundated with assvice and announcements lately and I was seriously running out of things to say.*

I avoided the testing and treatment section for a couple weeks (see first answer). When I finally put on my big girl underpants and forced myself to read them I was glad I did. What we imagine is usually worse than reality. For me this was no exception. With my next appointment looming it really gave me a lot of food for thought and questions I need to ask my doctor before moving forward.

*Please thank Josh and let him know that "I got ninety-nine problems and your kid ain't one" proved to be very handy and stopped a bragging, effortlessly breeding, cousin from speaking further and sent rum and coke into The D's nose.